Negativity is an essential part of any team. Sharing frustrations, failures, and troubling situations is critical to relieve pressure and to keep us honest and sharp about the work we’re doing. Embracing the productive sharing of negative feelings can help a team grow and connect, and it can be a healthy part of your regular routine so long as you approach these discussions the right way.
Resisting toxic positivity
An environment where you’re expected to work enthusiastically and joyously at all times is soul-crushing.
We as humans were given a range of emotions for a reason. It’s part of our most basic (and healthy) instincts to feel fear, discomfort, sadness, embarrassment, shame, awkwardness, and self-consciousness. We all have bad days, and it’s very important to normalize these experiences at work. If you’re in a position of influence at your company, make sure you’re helping your employees find opportunities to kvetch with one another — ideally without a manager in the room.
Often times we over-emphasize our successes and the things we love about work. Find time to share your doubt, skepticism, and concerns. It’s quite likely that other members of your team feel the same way. And connecting over something that often goes unsaid creates a much stronger bond than sharing a sentiment that’s constantly being communicated (like how much you both love your project work).
Don’t over-indulge in the negative
Embracing negativity doesn’t mean indulging in it. Negativity for its own sake has little value; and it’s very easy to tip into a perpetually negative culture if negative conversations don’t end in a positive resolution. Latent, unresolved negativity can contribute to more pressure, instead of an outgassing. Instead, encourage honesty and authenticity among your team. Overwhelmingly, people want bring their best to work. Most people like to feel a sense of accomplishment and genuinely want to learn, grow, and help each other. When you trust your team to operate in good faith, they typically will. And conversations about troubling situations can take place in a safe space among people who genuinely care. It’s also critically important when having negative discussions to keep the focus directed at the facts and the situation itself, as opposed to someone’s character flaws or trying to find blame. Spend a small amount of time on what’s been done, spend a large amount of time on what can be done.
Build to something
A discussion about negative feelings can be an energizing dialog that builds towards a positive and productive result. Approaching negative feelings with a resolution in mind leads to improved team operations, stronger bonds between teammates, and better outcomes on project work,
Some of the best negative discussions I’ve participated in didn’t just result in a feeling of catharsis, but also significant clarity on how to address the situation. It’s important to embrace the human side of these conversations — introducing a bunch of procedures and action items while someone is trying to express themselves can be alienating — but it’s important to be inquisitive and take a functional approach to get to the heart of the issue.
Find comedy in the negative
Negative experiences often have absurd, silly, or self-deprecating elements of comedy to them. Find them — they can can make for a truly enjoyable conversation. My confession to co-workers that I had to take the afternoon off due to my child having a “shit-mergency” at daycare was met with laughter and a, “we’ve all been there!”.
While you should exercise caution when pointing out the comedy in someone else’s experience, you’d be surprised by how fun and funny it can be to commiserate with a little comedy.
How do I get negative, Jesse?
Keep a mental note of your teams conversations. Do you embrace negativity? Do you indulge in it? If you’re not expressing true and honest negative feelings, are there opportunities to highlight a playful anecdote from a struggle you experienced? Take small steps, as you don’t want to be seen as the person who is always bringing up negative feelings. And pay attention to your tone — a playful tone can make the difference between a shared laugh and an awkward silence; but being playful doesn’t mean you can’t have a productive conversation.
Try it out. And as with everything, try to have some fun while you’re doing it 🤗